Tag Archives: feri

Back from everywhere — and the Amethyst Pentacle

I took a big break in writing this blog, but Arita calls me back and so I must listen and follow.

Recently, I have been working with a group called the Temple of Shadows to facilitate and lead rituals that allow participants to explore all the parts of themselves in a kinky/BDSM and sex positive atmosphere. Doing this Work has allowed me to bridge two of my favorite communities and also constantly brings me back to the Flower Prayer of Feri.

The Flower Prayer
Who is the Flower above me
And what is the work of this God
I would know myself in all my parts.

Knowing ourselves in all of our parts. Quite a working all onto itself. I have spent years peering into that statement into my own life. It is radical and courageous and I still work on it every day. The Temple of Shadows has been one vehicle for me to explore on my own vulnerabilities, and that is stepping into leadership. I have found a lot of comfort in supporting from behind the scenes, but stepping into the center of a room always makes me nervous and shy. Nudge after nudge from all the supportive people in my life, and patient calls from by Patron Deities have me inching closer to the center and in the past 2 years, I have begun leading and co-creating rituals in both Reclaiming and Feri. Its a growing edge, and one that I dance around with spaciousness, self-compassion and playfulness.

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In the next few weeks, I will be leading a ritual with an amazing group of people working with the Amethyst Pentacle. The Amethyst Pentacle was created by Storm Faerywolf and Chas Bogan as a working specifically for Queer Mens Mysteries. I am honored to bring this beautiful working to the BDSM community. This particular pentacle has a lot of personal significance for me. I was introduced to it a few years ago by a Feri Initiate who is pretty involved in the BDSM scene before I myself had found the inner power to step into that community, despite my great longing to do so. Through working the point of the Pentacle, I untangled a part of myself that craved deeper intimacy through BDSM, great relationship with myself, community and friendship. It was an energetic gateway. Working the Pentacle, I stepped through the gates into more honest and joyous relationship with my Self.

When Priestessing a Ritual, I always feel the intention and magic of the ritual begin to weave threads into my life weeks before the ritual happens. It can send ripples into my life for months after. With such a special place in my life as an initiatiory doorway into Kink I wonder what deepening the ritual will offer me, what new layer I will find in my Self as I spiral ever closer to simple authentic Me.

 

 

 

 

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iron pentacle prayer

the Feri current bless the Feri current.

from Black Heart by Mike Rock

“all five stars are one

sex is where you are

self lights the way

passion the vehicle

pride the compass

power the destination

yet not a destination

but the possibility already are

cause and effect are one

embody know practice the truth

and the truth is freedom

you already are

some mote it be.

oh luminous darkness!

oh blessed Black Heart! “


Invoking Starfinder–Opening the doorways to dark hidden spaces

Astrological Samhain

I Invoked Starfinder after having introduced to him this past weekend. I cannot repeat the Invocation here but maybe I will write a poem to Starfinder at the end of this. I repeated it over and over, and slowly dropped into a trance state. I asked Starfinder to show me what I need to know, what I need to learn.

Soon, I was flying through the black sky, lit up by stars. We were moving quickly, flying chaotically and I felt like endlessly. We approached what looked like a patch of clouds. I was reminded of being in my high school meditation group. My teacher would always have us imagine our minds and the blue sky, and our thoughts as clouds. If thoughts came up, imagine them and clouds and watch them as they float by. This dark cloud felt like that—something obsuring the clarity of my inner landscape. We approached it, and Starfinder parted the clouds. I saw there an image of myself as a child. Curly haired, pouty lipped me in my grade school classroom. Yelling at the top of my lungs “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” over and over again. Sad little child. It became clear to me that there are many issues I hold on to, stories from my childhood that I continue to tell myself. I need to release these, by all means available. Kala, white fire, uncrossings. Yes.

I travelled with Starfinder again, this time to another dark cloud. As he parted the mists, a large force of water came rushing out, spilling in all directions. The lesson, water is a powerful force within me. All encompassing, pervasive and it can go everywhere if not directed by any other energies. Water can be comtained rigidly, like a dam or softly, like a meandering creek. But for the sake of the ecosystem, it must find some path to cooperation, cohabitation and even control, within the context of the other elements. Yes.

Third cloud. The misty dark clouds parted, a pen was there. Sitting simply. Writing, expression holds power for me, it is the direction I am heading on a number of levels. Step into it. Write often, consistently, and about many subjects.

Then we danced together.

Ok, Starfinder. I get the message(s).

I feel you often, and strongly as a winged being, whose edges are ephemeral. Formless and yet tangible. Glowing, directed, unpredictable, passionate, in constant motion, erotic.

Invokation to Starfinder
Winged angel of the black night sky,
Edgewalker whose name is Starfinder, Blessed Guardian of the East,
I invoke you, I invoke you, I invoke you!
You who sings sweetly to us of our own unfolding mystery. Who gently blows at our backs, nudging us along our path. You who is always at our backs.
Great keeper of the mysteries of the element of Air, I call to you softly and with honey breath.
Hold me in your luminous presence, I place by heartmindbody inside your embrace.


Kala

Kala is one of my favorite Feri practices. For those who don’t know, it is a purification rite done by alligning, and then pouring into a cup of water all that burdens you: negative thoughts, memories, blocks, fears. Then, through invoking the Star Goddess and calling in her power and your own breathe, you transform that cup into a healing elixer sparkling and luminous. And you drink it down. More info about Kala can be found here: http://www.feritradition.com/BlueRose/exercise_watercleansing.html).

What I love about Kala is also what is so quintisentially Feri about it. It asks the partaker to be the transformer, the empowerer, the alchemist who by their own will makes magic out of burdens. Who takes their own garbage and turns it into rich, loamy compost. Ready and fertile for new seeds, new growth. It makes me think of the lotus that grows brightly in scummy waters.

This is the relationship with the Gods that I had always been seeking. One where they act as guides, helpers, teachers. Where they stand behind us, holding space and nudging us gently further and further out into our own wisdom, knowing and selfhood. To know that my greatest medicine is that which is already within me, both the good and the bad and the dark, twisted fucked up sides of me as well as the sides of me that are powerful for their ability to transform. I love that. And, also knowing that I don’t have to let go of all of that. I am not trying to move towards a lighter state, but instead a blacker state of innocence. One of greater integration.

Working with Kala has also allowed me to better understand where and how I hold negative energy within me. Where the seat of it is, what I can know and name and what is abstract and hidden. Sometimes I do feel I can name it and pour it into the cup. Sometimes, I ask Fetch is do it, not knowing exactly what “it” is. But always, it is powerful energy work. Working with the Temple of Air this month has really enhanced my powers of expression, and this has helped my Kala practice. Having a clearer mind, I feel better able to call out what I am letting go it, how that energy is being transformed and how it feels to take it in again.


Entering the temple of Air

 

The magic of Fall is coming and with it, connection to vision, resonance, inner darkness.

Today, I met with my teacher who introduced me to the Temple of Air. What’s funny to me about working with the elements is how, when you think you know all there is to know about your relationship to an element, something else arises. In this case, I realized the ways that I hold self-judgement around being fully present with the power of Air. As a recovering academic, I spend a lot of time in my head and when I get overwhelmed, I tend to get spacey, unfocused, my mental processing starts to feel like trying to walk through foggy mists. I then get incredibly frustrated and angry towards myself for not being able to function at full capacity, which even further affects my powers of expression. This affects me in ritual when I feel hindered in how I express myself verbally, in my work when my writing gets muddy and in countless other areas of my life. As we held space for the Air Temple, I realized how this disempowers me and how I am not fully honoring the balance of the elements within myself when I get into this self-defeating cycle.

I also discovered how, when I could push past that judgement, just how much power rests in Air. I used to think of Air as sort of, shall I say…the flaky element. It reminded me of airy-fairy ungrounded hippie girls I knew when I was 19. I associated more with the transformative power of fire, the deep emotional wave of the water element. Boy, was I wrong. Entering the Temple of Air I felt my mind clear as the sky in a springtime meadow. My senses were heightened. My powers of perception were fully embodied and fully present.

I look forward to working a lot with Air this month. I am excited to think that if I can move past self-judgement, the powers of expression, thought to power to action, communication and self-efficacy that await me!